


Twelve Days Of Christmas

by fade_like_starlight



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avengers Headcanons, Christmas, F/M, Neither can Jane, so cute I can't stand it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-09
Updated: 2012-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-20 16:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/587579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fade_like_starlight/pseuds/fade_like_starlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on <a href="http://theavengersheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/37090714000/12-days-of-christmas">this submission</a> at the Avengers Headcanons.</p>
<p>Jane is going to kill the person who told Thor that the ‘Twelve Days of Christmas’ should be taken literally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Twelve Days Of Christmas

**Day 1: A partridge in a pear tree**

The day started quite normally for Jane. She woke up, inhaled a mug or two of coffee, and headed down to the lab. She was working for a good hour before she noticed the small potted tree in the corner. She tilted her head and observed it.

‘Darcy? Why is there a tree in my lab?’ 

No answer. Jane stood in front of the tree. There appeared to be a small bird on one of the branches. Jane looked closer. It wasn’t real - one of those creepy fake birds, then. Just past the bird was a tag that informed her this was a pear tree, and should be watered when required.

‘Huh,’ Jane said.

**Day 2: Two turtle doves**

‘Daaaaarrrcccccyyyyy,’ Jane wailed over the phone. ‘There are birds in my lab. BIRDS.’

‘What? Jane, I can’t -’ there was a burst of static over the phone and a lot of noise. ‘Jane, I’m getting you coffee. I’ll be there soon. Just tell Clint to get the hell out of your lab if he’s annoying you.’

‘Not Hawkeye,’ Jane said, ‘actual birds.’

But it was too late, Darcy had disconnected.

Jane sat at her desk and watched the two grey birds flying around the ceiling.

**Day 3: Three French hens**

It took until day three for Jane to click onto what was happening. Sadly, it took Darcy - running around the apartment trying to catch a hen, of all things - saying ‘Have you explained Christmas to Thor? And maybe played him a Christmas carol or two?’ for Jane to fully understand.

**Day 4: Four calling birds**

**To** : Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov, SHIELD (all)  
 **CC** : Darcy Lewis, Pepper Potts   
 **From** : Jane Foster 

I am going to kill the person who told Thor the ’12 Days of Christmas’ should be taken literally.

...

**To** : Thor  
 **From** : Tony

Are there any more damn birds in this song? Keep them out of my Tower, Thor. The parrots are beginning to imitate JARVIS.

**Day 5: Five golden rings**

There was a simple gold band lying next to her coffee mug in the morning on day five. Jane admired it for a moment, then slipped it on.

The next one was dangling from the eye-piece of her microscope in the lab. It was the same size as the first one, but had a delicate pattern engraved on the outside.

The third was tucked into an envelope in the morning mail, which Darcy had left strewn across Jane’s desk. (Possibly on purpose, but it was hard to tell, sometimes.)

The fourth one simply dropped from the ceiling mid-afternoon. ‘Get out of my ceiling, Barton,’ Jane said. ‘And thank you.’

The last one was delivered as she was packing up for the evening. She opened the door to the lab to find Thor, in full Asgardian formal wear, standing outside with a gold and diamond ring in his hand.

‘May I accompany you to dinner, Jane?’ he asked, sliding the ring onto her finger. She smiled, suddenly feeling like she wanted to cry or sing or dance, and then nodded, not quite trusting her voice.

**Day 6: Six geese a-laying**

‘Please tell me he’s not actually going to find geese laying eggs,’ Jane begged Natasha at breakfast.

Natasha smiled and left the room.

...

‘What are you doing?’ Bruce asked, watching Jane peer around each corner in the hallways before moving on.

‘Keeping an eye out for an angry mother goose,’ Jane said.

‘Of course,’ Bruce said, making a mental note to ask Darcy if Jane was sleeping enough, or possibly if Jane was taking hallucinogenic drugs.

...

‘You!’ Jane accosted Steve in the cafeteria. ‘You must be in on this. WHERE ARE THE GEESE?’

‘I - I don’t - DARCY!’ Steve yelped, trying to dislodge Jane from his arm. ‘Darcy, help!’

...

Jane was slumped at her desk when Tony came into the lab.

‘What’s up, buttercup?’ he asked, absently poking a machine. ‘Is this still working okay? Let me know if you need an upgrade.’

‘There are no geese,’ Jane said.

‘What?’ Tony had pulled out a screwdriver and started tinkering with her equipment. It briefly occurred to him that he’d never been able to touch her equipment before without a huge fight, and he looked over at her. There was a full, untouched cup of coffee next to her - another first. ‘Oh, geese. Yeah, I know, I told him no more birds in my Tower.’

‘No more birds?’ Jane looked simultaneously thrilled and disappointed. ‘Tony, get your hands off my tech!’

...

That night, there were six tiny gosling plushies on her bed. Jane giggled and arranged them around her as she went to sleep.

**Day 7: Seven swans a-swimming**

Jane hadn’t even realised there were swans in Central Park, but she did laugh when Swan #7 refused to stay in formation. Thor jumped in the lake to try to herd it into position. Later, as Jane was watching the med team bandage Thor’s many swan bites, she said ‘It was just nice being outside in the park with you.’

**Day 8: Eight maids a-milking**

‘We don’t really have maids,’ Darcy said. ‘And I don’t think you’ll find a single person in the city who can milk a cow.’

‘Yes,’ Thor agreed. ‘I have seen the bottles your milk comes in. Jane uses much milk in her coffee.’

‘That’s it!’ Darcy said, running out the door. Thor followed.

That evening, there were eight Starbucks carts in the Stark Tower lobby. Each barista was frothing up a fresh jug of milk as Jane entered.

‘You can’t drink it all, Jane,’ Darcy said. ‘I’m willing to help, though.’

**Day 9: Nine ladies dancing**

By day 9, Tony was fully invested. He’d suggested to Thor there were some lovely ladies available to dance for a small sum of money. For a larger sum of money, Tony told him, they’d even remove their clothing while dancing. Fortunately, Pepper caught wind of this plan before it could be executed, and told Thor she’d take care of it.

That night, they were treated to an abridged performance of Swan Lake by nine Juilliard ballet students.

**Day 10: Ten lords a-leaping**

There really weren’t words to describe the sight of ten Asgardian lords leaping through the air.

**Day 11: Eleven pipers piping**

The pipers found her at 9am.

For the first hour or so, it was quite pleasant, a soft soundtrack to science, even if it was punctuated with Darcy’s song requests (no, the pipers cannot play ‘Call Me Maybe’). Then they followed Jane to the bathroom and stood outside playing, which Jane felt was a bit much.

The SI cafeteria seemed to appreciate them at lunch, though.

By 2pm, Jane was contemplating asking Clint to show her how to hide in the air ducts.

By 3pm, she’d threatened them with Natasha if they didn’t give her just five minutes silence.

By 4pm, it took her twenty minutes to realise they’d stopped and left, because that damn tune was stuck in her head and she probably wouldn’t get rid of it until next Christmas.

**Day 12: Twelve drummers drumming**

‘What is that?’ Pepper murmured. She was in a boardroom on the ground level of Stark Tower, and she could hear a rhythmic banging getting louder and louder. ‘JARVIS? Does the team need to assemble?’

‘No, Ms Potts,’ JARVIS said. ‘I believe it is the twelfth day of Christmas.’

Pepper ran through the song in her head, then dropped her files and ran out to the street. The street was closed off - never an easy task in New York City - and crowds had gathered on either side. Pepper saw Darcy near the front of the crowd, and edged through to stand with her.

‘Where’s Jane?’ she asked. Darcy pointed to the other side of the street, where Jane stood with Bruce and Natasha, trying very hard to look solemn, but she couldn’t contain her grin.

In the middle of the street, a young child pulled along a toy wagon. Sitting in the wagon was a potted tree with a bird sitting in it.

‘A partridge in a pear tree,’ Darcy said. ‘The kids’ parents all work for SHIELD.’

Behind the pear tree walked two more kids, grey doves sitting on each shoulder, followed by kids with French hens and parrots.

‘Calling birds?’ Pepper asked.

‘Well, Thor found out that parrots talk,’ Darcy said. Ringbearers, baby geese, and toy swans followed. The Starbucks baristas got a huge cheer, as did the ballerinas and the lords. The drumming was much louder, and behind the pipers, Pepper could see eleven marching drummers.

‘Eleven?’ she asked.

‘Keep watching,’ Darcy said. There was one drummer, perhaps, slightly out of sync, which started to make sense as Pepper realised Thor was the twelfth and final drummer. He banged away happily on his drum as he reached them, and stopped when he was in front of Jane.

‘Merry Christmas to my fair lady Jane,’ he announced, kissing her hand, ‘and Merry Christmas to you all, my friends and neighbours!’

The crowd cheered and Pepper couldn’t help getting a little caught up in it, clapping along with Darcy. The crowd closer to the beginning of the parade quietened for a moment, then cheers rang out louder than before. Pepper turned to Darcy, but she shrugged.

‘Is that - is that a sleigh?’ Pepper asked, and the crowd must have heard her, because they all turned to watch, and sure enough, a horse-drawn sleigh was coming down the street. Santa Claus was throwing candy to the crowd, flanked by -

‘Tony!’

‘And Steve,’ Darcy laughed. ‘Technically, Iron Man and Captain America, I guess. And if Thor, Bruce and Natasha are over there...’

‘I didn’t know Iron Man knew Santa Claus,’ a little kid was saying to his mom behind them.

Pepper winked at Darcy, who was throwing a kiss to Captain America.

Across the street, Jane wrapped her arms around Thor’s neck. ‘Thank you,’ she said, ‘and Merry Christmas.’

‘Merry Christmas, my love.’

 

**To** : Avengers (all), SHIELD (all)  
 **CC** : Darcy Lewis, Pepper Potts  
 **From** : Jane Foster 

Dear Mystery Troll,

Thank you.

PS. Unless my lab is cleaned and all traces of bird removed by tomorrow morning, I will hunt you down and kill you.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: I have to admit, I love the idea that Thor can command small creature to do his bidding, like Cinderella or something, which is why he doesn’t need help with the first few days. Yes, Clint is Santa Claus, because of course. Also, choose your own culprit.


End file.
